Friday, 4 March 2011

Day Seven but really Day Eight

I could not even summon the energy to blog yesterday.  To say I had hit rock bottom was clearly an understatement!  Have you ever had days where you have looked at your life and said "seriously, is this it, is this all I have to look forward to day in day out!"  Well that's exactly what I did, the world was indeed a dark and lonely place for me and I truly could not see the wood for the trees. To the extent that whilst driving I was blinded by tears and had no way of stopping the intense saddness I felt in my heart.  This then turned to anger and resentment as to the very poor choices that I had made in my life.  I knew I needed to save myself as no-one was going to do it for me and went onto the Amazon website in search of a book, any book that could bring me back to some sense of equilibrium.  As I am on the "I can make you thin" regime (which seems to translate in my  mind as I can make you fatter Carol considering I ate a whole packet of cookies yesterday but I digress) I looked up my friend Paul Mckenna and found an aptly titled book "I can make you happy!" Bingo, so not wanting to wait for delivery I tottered off to my local bookshop and found one on the shelves.  It came with a hypnotic cd as well so I thought I will listen to that as I drift off to sleep last night.  Well not only did I fall asleep listening to it last night, this morning at around 5am I put the cd on again and fell asleep.  I can honestly say I do not remember a word he said except count back from 300 but today life is not so bad!  Today I feel I can at least cope with the world so something subliminal must have happened.
All I can say is that no matter how hard my life is at the moment or how my perception may be clouded, I will continue to put one step in front of the other and love myself no matter what.
Have a fabulous day xxxxx

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