Monday, 21 March 2011

And then there was Light

I had been shrouded in darkness for so many weeks now I really began to believe that I had actually lost myself!  I lost my light, my vibrancy, my Joie de vivre!  My children felt the effects of my misery too and became sapped of their natural ability to just be themselves.  I had turned into Shrek the actual Ogre and not the green loveable character that now graces our screens.  Knowing deep inside of me that the positive person I had grown accustomed to love and adore was now packing its bags and leaving sent me into an awful panic; to such a degree I felt drastic steps needed to be taken for my survival!  I began to wonder the reasons why I felt so utterly dreadful.  The answer lay in a small pink tablet called Mirtazapine that was prescribed by my doctor to help me through my “I can’t take any more of this s**t called life anymore!”  Yes they were anti-depressants but despite my rigorous efforts to research different discussion threads about this pill I still took them in the hope that they would at least get the Serotonin levels in my brain back to normal as they had promised.  Well I stopped taking them Thursday evening and by Sunday I was dancing to loud music around my bedroom in shorts and a t-shirt singing and laughing gaily on my own and loving it!  The old me had returned with a grand carnival entrance and I welcomed her with open arms. 
Now I must emphasise that I did search the internet for a natural replacement for the pills before I stopped taking them and found a herbal supplement called "Happy Days 5HTP" distributed by Healthspan and immediately ordered some, I am eagerly awaiting their arrival and will let you know how I get on.  Though because of my experience, I do urge anyone who is on prescribed anti-depressants to be acutely aware of mood changes once they start taking them. Even though the precautions stated that they can make you feel worse before you will feel better, a month in of taking them I would rather deal with my own demons without the addition of others that I have no idea how to cope with.
So as I finally see the light streaming through my window of the world, I pass this missive onto you with a huge grin on my face charting a huge step in my glorious journey on finding my way back to me!
Have a fantastic day J

Friday, 18 March 2011

The Word of the Week - A Touch of Kindness

There are times in your life where you feel that you need to stop right where you are and just be!  This is where I am in my life and I share this with you in the hope that others do not feel alone with what they are going through.  Generally, I am a very positive and optimistic soul but of late, I found it difficult just to get up in the morning, to feel inspired, to be grateful for a brand new day, or to see joy in my existence.  I ask myself "what lesson am I to learn from this?”  Well I have learned "no man is an island" and I have realised that I must ask so that it can be given!  In my grief I reached out to my closet friends and confided that I was indeed struggling with my lot, I was met with love, a kind word, and a listening ear.  I thank all those who have supported me (they know who they are) and most of all my mother who has made me the woman that I am!
A touch of kindness is all that is needed sometimes to help a person through a trying time; be it a kind word, a listening ear or advice.
However I must say, as today is Comic Relief Red Nose Day, it really puts into perspective how my own problems compare to those who don’t have a roof over their heads, money to eat or even proper sewage.
That does not mean I negate my own issues, it just lets me realise how lucky I am to be alive, with a lovely house, reliable utilities and home comforts.  These things I take for granted when I know others would be more than grateful for even half of what I have.  Therefore, I dry my tears, lift my shoulders, and stand firm because I am blessed to be in this body, blessed with this life and thankful to know that on this journey I am never alone!

Friday, 11 March 2011

The Power of "I AM!" - Word of the Week

When you make a conscious choice with the statement of "I AM," the universe immediately matches the thought and the statement so that it actually manifests physically into your life.  Generally our thought process works on the basis of focusing on what we don't want and thus bringing more of the same into our reality.  For example you are unhappy with your life, so what is your focus, you focus upon those things that indeed are the "cause" of your unhappiness; thus you continue a habitual cycle of thought.  Now the universe is not only thought led, the feelings have to match with the thought in order to bring about the physicality, so you can't just think I am happy without the feeling behind it.  However, I can say emphatically and without a doubt that there is a powerful vibration to the "I AM" statement in that it resonates the feeling to match the statement you make even if it is just slight.  Try it and see, use any on of the statements "I am lovable; I am patient; I am the epitome of happiness; I am sexy; I am gorgeous; I am fabulous."

You cannot help but feel the vibes of the words that you say that are followed by this "I AM" statement and I wholeheartedly encourage you just for today, to give yourself an "I AM" statement of whatever it is you desire right now!  Pick up on the little vibration the statement enthuses and let it gather momentum, then roll with it.  You will definitely be on the right path at least for that moment; as you will experience as well as be in unison with the powerful Universal Law of Attraction!

Have a splendid day!
©Carol Muhammad 2011

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

What's your perspective?

Life is all about perspective, no matter what situation you are going through it is how YOU view it that determines the impact it has on your life. Some days are easier than others to have a positive slant on things; then there are days where everything is just so dark you can't even see a pinprick of light.  Yesterday as I flicked through the TV channels I stumbled upon a show entitled "wonders of the universe" which discussed the aspects of time and the effects on our solar system.  What was fascinating was there was a picture taken by Voyager 1 thirteen years ago of our planet from 6 billion kilometers away, it was just a tiny dot of light. (It is actually called the Pale blue dot, go on google it) How is that for perspective, if our planet is just this speck of light, a microcosm in this vast universe, how significant are our deemed problems that we ultimately create?  Besides really needing to get a life by watching such programs it has slapped me into the reality that in the midst of things do I really have anything to honestly worry about?  If our entire planet is just a dot of light, how significant to that fact is me losing weight or being depressed.  I think when you look at the bigger picture it helps you to readjust your focus and of course your view.  So as I eat more chocolate chip cookies each day, walk my 8000 steps and envisage a a slimmer me, I also remember that there is an infinite universe out there full of wonder and delights so get over myself!!! LOL xxxx I have included the link just for your enjoyment

Tuesday, 8 March 2011

Throw Away the Scales

Well, as I keep reading my way through the "I can make you slim" book and eat my chocolate chip cookie  as I am type this, LOL  I have removed the scales from my bathroom and have condemned them to the attic!  In the words of Paul Mckenna, he says not to go on your scales every day or if you have to have them not for a minimum of two weeks whilst on the plan.  He is talking my kind of language, for as I stepped on the scales this morning and it groaned in displeasure, it did indeed make me feel disheartened that I would ever lose this weight. So I refuse to weigh myself for the next month.  Even as I do battle with the Wii Fit board I will go straight to the training program and skip the part where it tells you that your BMI is far too high.  It even has line that ascends for goodness sake.  How's that for motivation?
Anyhoo, I feel more optimistic today and am visualising how I will look when I lose the weight. I know I must sound like some neurotic person because I only need to lose 1 stone but it feels like it is such a huge mountain to climb.  I suppose not being in my normal bubbly frame of mind and suffering with a bout of depression does not help, but I am trying to grab onto the essence of Spring and fill my mind with hope and gain a little bit of zest for life once again.  The winter was far too long and the global mood is far too dreary, so a healthy dose of  hip hip hurray is needed!  So just for today I am going to put a spring in my step and tell myself that everything WILL be ok.  Have a fab day xxxxx

Monday, 7 March 2011

Monday 7th March

Today as I sat at my desk my body literally felt like it was getting fatter and fatter by the second.  I thought my God I am obsessed with my weight.  So with determination as I got home, I quickly changed and went for a three mile walk with my dog and my daughter.  I felt great, so great I actually managed 9000 steps today (according to my pedometer) and 7000 of those was chalked up on my walk alone.  Still enthused I did 30 minutes workout on the Wii fit, even as it winced when I stood on the balance board, then it expressed dismay that I had put on a further 1lb in weight and had the cheek to ask me the cause of my weight gain! I was still not fazed by the Wii fit's confidence in my ability to lose weight, my goal is the 24th May and I will reach my target.  Well I keep telling myself I will anyway, even as I baked the 7 minute "death by chocolate sponge" in the microwave and have just eaten it with lashings of chocolate custard LMAO!!!!!!!  If I do manage to reach my goal I am sure I will make a huge amount of money on the "eat as much chocolate as you like diet!" What do you all think?  At least the sun did shine today and the daffodils were in bloom, the world is not such a dark place and I still have hope that things will eventually turn out right for me one day xxxxx

Sunday, 6 March 2011

Sunday 6th March

I am having a very indulgent Sunday! Am lazing in bed, with the sun shining through my window, books scattered on my duvet listening to Jazz FM on sky TV and have treated myself to an afternoon tipple of wine.  How wonderfully decadent!  :-) Don't you just love Sundays where you have absolutely nothing to do except indulge in your own whims.  When I was married Sundays would be spent in bed all day frolicking with my husband, but that seems a lifetime ago now.  How strange life can be, even more so how devastating love can be?  How do you learn to love again and to trust again after being hurt so badly by those whom you loved?  How do you heal from the heartache, moreover how do you open your heart again to someone else without the fear attaching itself to it? I am hoping that each day I heal just that bit more from the heartache I have suffered.  I have to remind myself that I am lovable even when I think that I am not especially when it is not reciprocated by the opposite sex. I have to learn to love myself no matter what, especially if there is more of me to love than usual!  Yes I had an awful battle with a chocolate sponge last night and failed miserably.  Does it count that I actually enjoyed the failure because it was absolutely delicious LOL.  So I shall spend a lazy day reading "I can make you thin" (please God let me wake up tomorrow and not have another stomach sitting on my lap when I am on the loo) hopefully it will get me back on track to visualizing a thinner gorgeous me! However, all joking aside, I still love myself and accept every single part of me, because in the words of Marianne Williamson, I am brilliant, gorgeous talented and fabulous...........and do you know are you xxxxxxx

Friday, 4 March 2011

Day Seven but really Day Eight

I could not even summon the energy to blog yesterday.  To say I had hit rock bottom was clearly an understatement!  Have you ever had days where you have looked at your life and said "seriously, is this it, is this all I have to look forward to day in day out!"  Well that's exactly what I did, the world was indeed a dark and lonely place for me and I truly could not see the wood for the trees. To the extent that whilst driving I was blinded by tears and had no way of stopping the intense saddness I felt in my heart.  This then turned to anger and resentment as to the very poor choices that I had made in my life.  I knew I needed to save myself as no-one was going to do it for me and went onto the Amazon website in search of a book, any book that could bring me back to some sense of equilibrium.  As I am on the "I can make you thin" regime (which seems to translate in my  mind as I can make you fatter Carol considering I ate a whole packet of cookies yesterday but I digress) I looked up my friend Paul Mckenna and found an aptly titled book "I can make you happy!" Bingo, so not wanting to wait for delivery I tottered off to my local bookshop and found one on the shelves.  It came with a hypnotic cd as well so I thought I will listen to that as I drift off to sleep last night.  Well not only did I fall asleep listening to it last night, this morning at around 5am I put the cd on again and fell asleep.  I can honestly say I do not remember a word he said except count back from 300 but today life is not so bad!  Today I feel I can at least cope with the world so something subliminal must have happened.
All I can say is that no matter how hard my life is at the moment or how my perception may be clouded, I will continue to put one step in front of the other and love myself no matter what.
Have a fabulous day xxxxx

Tuesday, 1 March 2011

Day Six

Today I am not going to focus on my weight.  Today I am going to be kind to me! I am going to love myself exactly as I am.  A beautiful vibrant human being.  I am going to do things that enjoy and if that means stuffing chocolate down my face then so be it LOL!  But seriously, my self talk today is going to be one of inspiration, one of praise for who I am right at this very moment.  I am going to tell myself that I LOVE YOU and not wait for anyone else to say those three words, because if I cannot love myself how can I possibly expect anyone else to.  I am going to sing my praises today and be grateful for the life that I am living right here right now.  I am not going to catapault my thoughts into the future nor review my past.  I will make a concious effort to be in the present even if it is out of my comfort zone I choose to just BE today.
On this journey I have read countless of books to urge me on my way, to help keep my thoughts focused and as a source of comfort when I have had no-one physically around.  Today I say to you, learn to just be and let all that is to unfold in you life do so without resistance on your part.  Have a great day xxxx